Brighter Days
by murderdreams
Summary: This story is about T to M for attempted suicide and probably some crude humor. Dramatic first chapter! Anyway, LJco! going from begining of 5th year on to somewhere about end of 7th. yes please read!


Alone. The only way to describe her. Lily Evans only wanted to fit in. She had been at Hogwarts for 5 years now and still had no friends. Well, that is, one friend. A secret friend really, she was all alone. Sick of being teased, and when she went home, her mother hated her for becoming a witch. Her father had died by an explosion in Diagon Alley. Her mother hated her for that.

Her mother would beat her. Always, when her mother came home, she would yell at her, hate her every fiber in Lily's small frame. Her mother never fed her, she locked her in her bedroom when she wasn't cleaning or being beat. Lily's only friend had become a razor blade. The only thing that could save her, bleeding was her pain outlet. She'd slice when she was overwhelmed. At school she was restlessly teased because she was so small, a bit of a bookworm, had no friends and was muggle-born. People hated her for that. Her mother had always spat upon Lily's 'abnormal-ness' but had put up with it because Gregory Evans had loved everything about it.

Lily's mother would send Lily off 2 weeks before she caught the train with a bit of money to purchase her school stuff. Her mother knew she had to have it or she would be stuck with Lily all year. Lily would walk to Kings Cross on September 1. But now, alone, here Lily sits in the common room. Flipping her razor from one hand to the other, oblivious to the cuts forming on her hands. Contemplating how to die, she wonders. Bleeding would be more painful, and jumping would be wonderfully quick.

Lily decided to jump off the North Tower bleeding to feel the pain. That's what she would do. No one would miss her, she read everyone's thought about her. They were all rude and vulgar. Although Lily wonderful psychic ability would be gone forever, she didn't care. Her life would be better gone. So Lily would never get to graduate, never get her first kiss and never get married and find love, she honestly could not care less.

The razor blade was becoming more and more tempting. Lily decided that she would end her life on Halloween when everyone would be at the ball. No one would notice and with her luck they won't find her body until a few days later. Halloween was just 3 short days away. Smiling to herself, she went up to bed.

_(I push my fingers into my) Eyes_

_It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache_

_But it's made of all the things I have to take_

_Jesus it never ends, it works its way inside_

_If the pain goes on…_

_I have screamed until my veins collapsed_

_I waited as my time's elapsed_

_Now all I do is live with so much fate_

_I've wished for this, I've bitched at that_

_I've left behind this little fact_

_You cannot kill what you did not create_

_I've gotta say what I've gotta say_

_And then I swear I'll go away_

_But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise_

_I guess I'll save the best for last_

_My future seems like one big past_

_You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice_

_I push my fingers into my eyes_

_It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache_

_If the pains goes on I'm not gonna make it!_

_Put me back together_

_Or separate the skin from bone_

_Leave me all the pieces_

_Then you can leave me alone_

_Tell me the reality_

_Is better than the dream_

_But I found out the hard way_

_Nothing is what it seems!_

_I push my fingers into my eyes_

_It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache_

_But it's made of all_

_The things I have to take_

_Jesus it never ends_

_It works its way inside_

_If the pain goes on_

_I'm not gonna make it!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got!_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got!_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_I push my fingers into my eyes_

_It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache_

_But it's made of all_

_The things I have to take_

_Jesus it never ends_

_It works its way inside_

_If the pain goes on_

_I'm not gonna make it!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got!_

_All I've gone is insane!_

_All I've got!_

_All I've gone is insane!_

Lily's POV

Halloween, it's finally here. Everyone else is preparing to go to the festival like thing in the Great Hall. Everyone except me. I am putting together the things I want to die with; I grab a photo of my dad and my diary and a photo of when my family was genuinely happy. I grab my razorblade and tuck it quickly into my pocket. I walk out of the dorm and common room. Slamming the portrait after me. The Fat Lady stutters indignantly. I laugh at her.

"Look, it's the social reject!" A boy says to me, normally I would just keep walking but today I felt better than I have in years. I yell over my shoulder "Fuck off freak!" and keep walking to my destination. "Great costume, you know, maybe it would be better if you didn't wear it EVERYDAY!" Jessica fellow 5th year Gryffindor shouts. I say back "Likewise with you" grinning I keep walking.

I bumped into someone by accident. I keep walking though, I don't look back to see the person bend down and pick something off the floor or see who it was. I keep walking.

Finally I arrive. In just a few torturous minutes I will be free from this world. I reach into my pocket to get my razor blade, but it's not there. Shit. I must have dropped it when I hit that boy in the hall. Oh well, so maybe I won't get the satisfaction of having people find my body DAYS later, I suppose it will be maybe one or two. How dreadful.

Dying should be wicked. I hope it is better than this life here. The tower door blows open but no ones there. I realize I forgot to lock the door. I walk cautiously towards the door, slam it shut and bolt it. I walk close to the massive window but before I reach it, a familiar echo sounds in my head.

"FUCK! Why now?" I yell out loud right before I stumble and fall. Gone, I am gone to Vision Land. Great! It is a baby, it's beautiful. There's also a man, with messy black hair like the baby, the tall mans hazel eyes stare into the beautiful green orbs of the baby's. The man softly starts singing to the baby, slowly the baby falls asleep, tenderly the man, who I guess is the father, puts the baby in it's cradle and tucks it in. Kissing the baby on the forehead, the man leaves the room quietly.

BAM! Back in the North Tower, I am lying on the floor. It feels like there is another presence in the room though, unsure, I stand and look around. No ones there, that is up to my satisfaction. I walk slowly to the window. Standing on the ledge, I yell out "WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT! GREAT NIGHT TO KILL YOURSELF!" I feel a tad foolish yelling to myself, but I knew it had to be done. I bend my knees preparing to jump when an invisible force pulls me off the ledge.

I feel a silky soft material and pull it. Remus Lupin is standing in front of me. I'm crying now, though I'm not sure why. He hugs me, he's crying as well. What was his plan? I push him away, suddenly I'm furious with him.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" I scream at him "I WANTED TO DIE! I WANTED TO LEAVE THIS AWFUL PLACE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY!" I'm sobbing like crazy now, but I still don't know why. Softly, Remus pads over to me. I didn't realize I had fallen to my knees until he quietly kneeled beside me. Softly Remus started to talk, pulling out two razorblades from his pocket. One was mine, one obviously wasn't.

"I wanted to die awhile back. I really did. I am a werewolf. I've been since I was seven. Last year, before we came back to school, a little boy decided to go for a walk in the woods, on the full moon. He was only about 8 or 9. He came across the shack I was in and decided to see what the commotion inside was, I killed him." Remus sat there sobbing harder now "I didn't mean to, everyone was warned that there was a werewolf in the area and not to go into the woods on full moons but he did. And now he's dead. I came up here last year, preparing to die the same way as you. But I didn't. I couldn't do it and I can't let you do it either."

By then both of us were sobbing uncontrollably. We leaned on each other, comforting the other through the tears. Crying even harder when I started telling him about why I wanted to die. Hugging, I suppose we drifted off to sleep, because i awoke this morning in his arms still. I realize that Remus and I probably have a special bond, sharing something that big would probably result in a friendship.

I know I finally have a friend.


End file.
